Excerpts from a dog's diary

8:00a - Dog food! My favorite thing!!
9:30a - A car ride! My favorite thing!!
9:40a - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!!
10:30a - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!!
12:00p - Lunch! My favorite thing!!
1:00p - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!!
3:00p - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!!
5:00p - Milk bones! My favorite thing!!
7:00p - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!!
8:00p - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!!
11:00p - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!!



Excerpts from a cat's diary

Day 1,983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the
carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage .

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...for now...




catz are the asume sauce ^,....,^